Where the Heart Is (Hearts Series Book 1) Page 3

  “Felicity, why don’t you sit up front?” Nana waves her hand in the direction of the passenger seat…like I don’t know where it is.

  I want to argue, but she’s right. The last thing I need is for him to have to pull over for me to throw up. I smile, then climb in, giving myself just enough time to gain my composure before he slides into the driver’s seat…after opening the door for my Nana.

  I glance over, taking in his profile. For someone who’s only wearing jeans and a t-shirt, he sure looks all kinds of hot. He pauses with the key in the ignition, looking over to me. My face flushes, and I look out of my window. He starts the engine and reverses from the bay.

  “Thank you for picking us up, but we could have made our own way,” Nana says, breaking the silence.

  “Gramps wouldn’t have allowed that, and you know it.” His voice is pained. His hands clench the steering wheel—utterly devastated at the mention of the man who raised him. And who can blame him?

  My heart hurts for him. I want to reach out, squeeze his hand—that’s what I would have done when we were kids. But we’re not kids anymore. I attempt to focus, intently staring straight ahead. My phone rings, causing me to flinch, knocking my bag off my lap. My head connects with the dashboard as I lunge forward to retrieve it.

  “Shit.” I rub my forehead with one hand and fumble for my phone with the other.

  “Language!” My Nana's voice rises from behind me, admonishing me.

  I peer over my shoulder, and mouth the word, sorry.

  “I just need to take this,” I say to no one in particular.

  “Hello,” I answer, slightly breathless.

  “Hey, beautiful. How was the flight? Did you freak out?” Simon asks, and I smile.

  “Flight was fine. No dramas. Just leaving the airport now.”

  “That’s good. Let me know how it goes when you see Nate, okay?”

  I cough, heat rising in my cheeks.

  “Already have, it was fine.” A tingling sensation sweeps up the back of my neck and across my face. I use the pad of my thumb to turn the volume down on my phone—Nate in earshot.

  “You’re with him now?”

  “Yes, but I’ll speak to you later though, okay?” I can hardly get into a full-blown conversation about it now.

  “All right, fine. Make sure you do. And be sure to say hi to that gorgeous Nana of yours. And Felicity?”

  “Yes?”

  “Love you.” My heart warms. He’s never been one to shy away from his feelings—even when I’m being an insufferable bitch.

  “Love you too.” Ending the call, I chance a peek to Nate, then lower my window a smidge—taking in a lungful of air. He looked agitated. I glance over my shoulder to see my Nana.

  “Simon said hi.”

  Nate’s grip on the steering wheel tightens.

  “Just hello?” she asks.

  I turn my attention back to her and smile.

  “No, he said, that gorgeous Nana of yours.”

  “Of course, he did. Got to love that boy, he has good taste,” she says, chuckling to herself.

  I let out a not so lady-like snort, and then quickly hide it with a cough.

  Nate looks over to me, causing me to feel self-conscious. Uncomfortable, I stare ahead. I double take when I see a car reversing. We are heading straight for it.

  Instinctively, I brace my hands on the dashboard.

  “Shit—” I squeal.

  Nate presses on the horn in quick succession then slams on the brakes hard. My seat belt pulls me tight, slamming me back into my seat.

  I grab hold of my throat, feeling winded, my heart pounding in my chest.

  “Damn. Sorry, is everyone all right?” Nate asks.

  My hand is over my chest.

  “Flick—” His hand touches my shoulder. I flinch.

  “I’m fine, and I told you already, it’s Felicity,” I snap again.

  He removes his hand, holding it up in surrender. My face heats like molten lava. I just want out of this car, already.

  Accident averted, Nate pulls away, leaving a stifling silence that I feel the need to rectify.

  “Sorry, it’s just …” I’m stammering, no idea what I was about to say, when a not so subtle cough emanates from behind me.

  “She was just startled, that’s all,” my Nana says, trying to diffuse the situation.

  I sit on my hands, my knees bouncing, as I look out of my window. When I feel his hand on my shoulder, he squeezes it once before letting go.

  “It’s fine. So how have you been?”

  He’s going for small talk. I shuffle in my seat, and then lower my window some more before I focus my attention back to him.

  “Same old, how about you?”

  He raises his eyebrows, and I quickly cover my face with my hand. What the hell is wrong with me? Foot, meet mouth. His Gramps just died. Someone just shoot me now. I drop my hand onto my lap.

  “I mean, I didn’t mean to…it’s just…” I stop, wishing I were anywhere but here.

  I hear the distinct sound of him trying to hold back a snicker.

  “I know.” He smiles, and I’m left speechless.

  When my Nana intervenes, I move closer to my door.

  “So, Evie told me work has been good. How are you finding being your own boss?”

  I’ve never been more grateful in my life for her ability for small talking.

  “It’s going well, who would’ve thought I’d get to have a day job doing something I love?”

  I turn my head in his direction. But then it hits me. It’s the simplest of questions. Yet, I’m completely clueless.

  “Sorry, what do you do?” The question passes my lips before my brain has time to stop me.

  “I restore old cars. It’s hard work, and I’m constantly covered in grease, but hey, you’ve got to love what you do, right?”

  I nod, settling back in my seat. Yes, that is true, and I’m glad to hear he’s doing something he loves, but it’s the sound of his voice that keeps doing funny things to my insides.

  What’s wrong with me?

  I feel guilty even thinking like this for more reasons than one. He’s grieving, and this whole situation is complicated. More than anything, I’m on edge. Paranoid he’ll find out about why I stayed away. My heartbeat begins racing. I clench my jaw tight, grinding my teeth. I close my eyes, my nostrils flaring as I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. Clenching my fists, I begin to count. I open my eyes and release my fists. I push away the dark thoughts, and numbly watch the whirring view pass me by.

  Chapter Four

  Fingers lace over my forearm. I flinch. In an attempt to pull away, the back of my head connects with something hard. I open my eyes, my heart racing. Darting forward with a lurch, I’m held in place by the tightening of my seat belt. A humph sound escapes me.

  “We’re here.”

  It’s Nate—only Nate. I let out an audible sigh, licking my dry lips and swallowing hard.

  “Sorry.” I look out of the windscreen and take in the sight before me. It looks the same, yet oddly different.

  “No worries, I didn’t mean to startle you.” He’s looking me over with concern. I’m fascinated as I watch his pupils shrink, the hazel hues replaced with large, soft streaks of green. His eye colour still changes with his mood.

  I clear my throat and look away. I don’t ever remember blushing this much around him before. Sucking in a breath, I plaster on a shaky smile and unclip my seat belt.

  I turn in my seat, my eyes scanning the wisteria that climbs along the front of the house, weaving above the sash windows like a second skin—the most vibrant colour purple I’ve ever seen. The green lawn in the turning circle is well tended, the rustic birdhouse pride and place, surrounded by the sweeping gravelled driveway. Either side is lined in pink, cup-shaped roses, woven amongst tall, dark lavender tips and evergreen foliage. This was always a home away from home. I watch on as Nana carefully makes her way up the steps to the large, oa
k door.

  She could have at least woken me. I must remember to thank her for that later.

  My fingers have barely touched the door handle when he leans over the centre console to stop me. I feel his warm breath ripple over my cheek, and my pulse begins to race. Do not panic.

  “I just felt like I should at least thank you, for coming. I mean after everything…”

  His thumb brushes over my knuckle, and I’m rooted in place. A warm sensation rises in my stomach, and then, just as fast, he moves away and gets out of the car.

  I let out a puff of air. He’s always affected me, but something is different. It’s alien to me, and I’m not sure how to feel about it. I don’t have time to process it now, either. I join him at the boot of the car, reaching for one of the cases, but he stops me.

  “I’ve got this. You go on up and see my Nan.” He angles his head in the direction of the house.

  “You sure?”

  He nods with a small smile.

  “Thank you,” I say as I walk away.

  Nana reaches the door just as Evie comes out to greet her. As I approach, I see their tears, and the sounds of their sobs vibrate right through me.

  Evie looks up, motioning her hand toward me. I make up the distance, and they pull me into a hug. I can feel the weight of their loss to my core. It’s in this moment I feel more broken than I ever have.

  “I’m sorry for not coming before Lawry…” I was being selfish. Bad things happen to good people every day, and I was only thinking of myself. “I feel so ashamed.” I wasn’t there when they needed me, and that’s not how you treat the ones you love.

  “Enough. You stop that right now. I know you’ve had a lot to deal with. We both understood why you didn’t come, honey. We missed you,” Evie says as she cups my cheek. I feel the faint wobble of her hand.

  Nate walks past with our cases in tow, concentrating on getting them up the steps in one go, paying no attention to our exchange.

  Nana and I have adjoining rooms. Nothing’s changed—the four-post bed, the en-suite bathroom, and the décor is all still so familiar. My favourite part is the window seat. I walk over and unlatch the lock to the window. The heavy glass slides open, and I take a seat, inhaling deeply.

  I’m greeted with the earthly aroma of freshly cut lawn as I close my eyes. There’s no breeze. Sweat gathers on the back of my neck, but I wouldn’t trade this moment for anything. Insects hum, birdsong fills the open space. I open my eyes, and the sight before me is a punch in the memory bank. I’d forgotten how beautiful the mixed array of scattered wildflowers look. How they pop against the vibrant-green backdrop of perfectly maintained shrubs and trees.

  I feel grimy from the journey, which only a shower can fix. I turn on the shower and strip. Stepping in, I soak myself under the tepid spray to cool off and wash away the remains of the day. But I don’t spend nearly long enough in here. Grudgingly, I turn off the tap, so I can go get ready.

  I rap my knuckles on the door in quick succession, it’s only when I hear Nana calling out, that I palm the round handle and turn, the door heavy as I push. Pausing, I see her staring out of the window, her back to me, hair in a chiffon bun. I move toward her, engulfed by her signature scent—Coco Chanel.

  “Ready?” I ask, placing my hand on her shoulder once I’m beside her.

  She covers it with hers, giving it a squeeze. I feel the quiver beneath her fingertips. It’s difficult for me to accept, let alone admit it to myself—she’s not as young as she used to be.

  “As ready as I’ll ever be. Thank you again for this.” Her voice breaks as she turns toward me. I look down at the hankie she’s wringing between her hands, then back to her face, her downcast expression.

  My heart stills, missing a beat. This woman has been my constant. She’s the reason I need to keep my shit together. “You don’t have to thank me,” I say gently.

  Lunch, is of course, traditional afternoon tea. Evie’s the reason I enjoy it as much as I do. Other than the Ritz, I’ve yet to meet anyone else who puts on a spread like she does.

  I’m glad Nate didn’t join us—my stomach couldn’t handle it. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious as to where he went, instead.

  He plays it off cool and collected, but my being here isn’t what Nate was expecting. I saw it in his eyes when we were in the elevator. His unspoken question—why did you stay away?

  Outside, a soft breeze floats across my face. I knew I needed this—to be out here in the open air. It’s why I snatched my camera moments ago and left Nana and Evie to talk.

  Following the path I’ve walked so many times before, I head to the paddock. The oak framed stables are open when I arrive, and I shuffle right through without thought. The familiar surroundings are almost comforting—hay, pristinely clean hanging tack, wheelbarrows full from recently mucked-out stools. The paddock is dim—subdued rays of sunlight barely grazing the ground. It smells of sweat, manure, and earth. It smells like home. Measured steps bring me through and to the opening at the other end. I blink, readjusting to the bright daylight. Then I see him. And smile.

  Sticking my fingers in my mouth, I whistle, and then call out, “Laddie, here boy?”

  He pauses mid graze and swings his head up, his ears flicking back and forth before he goes back to his grazing. I whistle again. He lets out a puff of noise through his nose and trots towards me.

  I step up onto the bottom part of the fence, snapping a few shots. Laddie was the horse I learnt to ride on. He hasn’t changed—he still has the same three white socks and one white stocking, and his long, black tail swishes back and forth.

  “Hello, boy,” I say, reaching my hand out, stroking his silky, red side. He pushes his nose against my palm. I stroke him between his eyes, kiss his nose, and then blow on the white star on his forehead. I used to make a wish on that star. He sniffs the air with a contented wobble of his lips.

  “Sorry, boy, I didn’t bring you a treat. I’ve missed you. Bet you haven’t missed me, huh?”

  I can’t help but laugh as he continues to push his nose into my hand.

  “You missed me a little, then?”

  “Of course, he missed you.”

  I slip, falling backward, my arms flapping around wildly.

  Firm, but gentle hands grab my waist. I tense. Now steady, my feet firmly in place, I look up—knowing who it is, but needing to see him, anyway. Nate. We lock eyes. His hands tense for the briefest moment on my waist before he lets go.

  “Shit,” I say. My heart races, a flush of adrenaline tingling through my body.

  “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

  I wave it off, bending forward with a hand on my knee.

  Then I feel it. Skin—warm, strong, masculine—grazing my shoulder. Electricity pulses through my body, and I shiver before I shrink from the contact.

  “Flick, seriously, are you okay?” he asks.

  “I’m fine, you surprised me. Talk about giving me a heart attack. You ever considered a job in the London Dungeons?” I ask between a snort and a giggle. Well, aren’t I just charming?

  “Come off it. I’m not that scary, you’re just a wimp,” he says playfully, tipping his head, his stare intense.

  I look away and straighten my top. Swapping the camera between my hands, I wipe away the sweat from my palms. I must look like an absolute idiot. I begin walking, and he falls into step beside me.

  “How are you?” I ask, needing to break this awkward silence. I never minded the quiet before, not with him—but now it’s almost deafening.

  He shrugs, letting out a sigh. “I’m okay. On autopilot, you know? Just going through the motions.”

  I nod and turn my head in his direction. His smile is laced with pain. I know he senses me staring, but he avoids my gaze—looking over his shoulder toward Laddie.

  I follow his line of sight. Laddie prances about like a show pony—he always did act like a young foal. I pause to take a couple shots of him. The hairs on the back of my neck rise, a
nd I begin to sweat. I sense Nate—staring. It takes everything in me to ignore him, to fill in the silence.

  “About Lawry… I hate myself for not coming to see him.” God knows if I could change it, I would.

  “I don’t get it. All because of what happened with us? Seems a little dramatic, even for you,” he says, so matter of fact.

  Ouch.

  “It’s not like that… I wasn’t trying to be a bitch. Believe me, that’s not why I stayed away—” I pause to catch my breath. Even if he knew, he wouldn’t understand. I mean, how could he? “But that’s neither here nor there, and I’m not here to cause drama. I’d like to think we could at least be civil, yeah?”

  He lets out a humourless laugh.

  I cross my arms over my chest.

  “So, let me get this straight… You say I’m not the reason you stayed away, but you won’t tell me why?” he asks, shaking his head.

  I clench my fists and avert my eyes. Please don’t push this, Nate. I turn to walk away when he holds up his hands in surrender.

  “Fine. I’ll be civil. But one way or another, the truth will come out,” he says with a confident smile.

  I want to wipe that smirk right off his face. I turn again, but this time he grabs hold of my elbow.

  “Wait. Fine…how about we call a truce?” he asks, holding out his hand.

  “Truce,” I say, and take his warm hand in my cold one. We shake once before letting go.

  This time when he smiles, it’s less pained, and his eyes have a spark to them.

  Ringing sounds from my pocket.

  “Sorry, do you mind?” I ask. Seriously, why on earth am I asking for his permission? He shakes his head and reaches for my camera. I’m about to protest, but then, for some reason beyond me, I let him take it. Bringing the phone to my ear, I answer the call from Simon, my eyes still trained on Nate.

  “Hey.”

  “Hi, beautiful. I just wanted to check in…see how you’re doing?”

  I smile.

  “I’m all right, just taking a walk with Nate.”

  I watch him watching me—his eyebrows rising at my mention of his name, the corner of his mouth turning up. I remember those lips, how they offered so much promise when they were on mine, soft and warm. How he always tasted of peppermint. I take a small step back. What is wrong with me?